Rae Rose

Elro is 10 months old today! I wanted to make something special for her. It really catches people’s attention.

1. I wrote a note about what things she likes to do or things she says at 10 months old. 2 and 3. I used A Color Story to make five different shades and patterns. 4. I put them in a document and printed them out on fabric paper.

5 and 6. I used a butterfly magnet — but you can handraw one — and drew it on the fold. 7. I did the same thing with some sturdy paper. I then layered it: fabric, paper, fabric…. and then, after taking the top fabric butterfly away, I stitched them down the middle.

Then all I had to do was glue the fabric butterfly to the top of the stitched stack. Finally I glued the entire stack to the headband. ♥️

It’s simple.

Andy Palasciano’s new memoir, The Warrior — Tales Of A Substitute Teacher And Job Coach — is amazingly funny, which is not a surprise because Andy is amazingly funny. The book launches this Sunday at the Meraki Cafe at 5:30 where you can get a signed book for 10 dollars!!!!! Everyone and their mother should attend.  Here is an excerpt from his fabulous memoir:

The Substitute

The first class I ever taught was high school math.  I got there late and found no lesson plans.  So I learned, I think from a student, that I was supposed to go over the previous night’s homework.  I looked at the work and had no idea how to do it.

Convinced I had to maintain authoritative control over the class, I stared at them stone-faced, fearing I’d be exposed as a fraud.

“You in the front row,” I told a student.  “Come up and do the problem on the board.  And class, you tell them if he’s right or wrong.  I’m not going to help you.  You guys should know how to do this stuff.”

It worked.

I got another assignment similar to that one.  Waking up late, I threw pants on my mom had just bought me and I drove to class.  Still trying to maintain authoritative poise in this high school math class, I spotted a girl raising her hand and snapped at her, “What?”   “Do you know you have a tag from the store on those pants?”  I quieted the class, but 10 minutes later, that same girl raised her hand:  “Do you know you have another tag on those pants?”

I am more careful with my attire these days.

Teaching another class -high school French?- two students came up to my desk and asked if they could get a drink.  “Ok,” I told them, amazed at how well I was handling this class.  The students came back, their arms full of soda, and started calling out, “Who had the 7up? And the Doctor Pepper?” and began distributing the cans around the class.

I think I got a Diet Coke.

I’m still loving using washi tape and pictures to decorate my wall, but I’ve added something new. All you have to do is string beads on wire and then add something to hang it up. I’m using burlap and strips of fabric. Here are a few examples! ♥️ Rae

Valentine’s morning with my beautiful daughter would not be possible without the medications I’m on. This last med change was difficult, this disorder is difficult, which is why I’m so damn proud to still be here and enjoying life. So, meet my new meds! It feels so good to be wearing them! If you also want to be a total badass, pick up your own Meet My Meds shirt at spooniesistershop on etsy and make sure to tag me with your pic of you in your shirt so I know where my not-basic-…peeps are. ♥️Rae

Busy moms! Want a some Valentine’s spirit? I liked the idea of felt or felted hearts as elbow patches but since I have these bitty hands now I’d like to have something that reminds me of this time in my life. It would work for mother’s day and can be be adapted to be more unisex. I also chose a muted palette because I didn’t want it to stand out. It came out so cute though that next time I will!

1. Get a print of your baby’s prints. 2. Use this as your pattern and cut it out. 3. Pin to felt and cut. Sew it on with embroidery floss. 4. Check it out in the mirror to make sure you’re pleased.

Hopefully I’ll have lots of precious photos of this but today this is what she gave me. ♥️Happy Valentine’s!!!!

I’m back with my baby in my home and I’m so grateful. These are some things I’m telling myself to do:

1. Go slow. No. Slower than that. I’m talking a snail working at the dmv. You need time to understand what happened.
2. Take stock. What’s working in your life? What do you want to change? For example, my mother-in-law is here and she greets my child in an overly cheery way when she’s upset. It works. Cuts down crying time. I’m definitely going to try that. Also I want to be more organized!
3. Write out your medications if you have any changes somewhere where other people can see it to keep you on track.
4. Let yourself accept help. Meals, babysitting, rides to appointments. Don’t feel guilty, feel grateful!
5. Remember that you are not just your illness. Ease back into work and your hobbies by journaling about them and starting small — but remember they are there! You are so many things!
6. Don’t stop taking your meds if you start to feel better and keep all doctor appointments.
7. Write down any changes you’re feeling with your medication. Everything. Just Incase.
8. Celebrate your healing. When I returned my husband and mother-in-law popped champagne (not that I could drink it😂) to celebrate my return home. That was so sweet and it made me really appreciate each comfort of home.
9. Speaking of comfort — seek it out!!! Watch your fave shows, eat your fave (healthy) foods and listen to great music. You’ve been through a lot. You deserve comforting things!
10. You also deserve peace. This might be one of those times in your life that you feel like making a change. Is it meditation? Yoga? Aromatherapy? Mantras? Journaling? All of the above?

Good luck! If you have more ideas please let me know!

I’m an hour away from my 9 month old daughter, wearing the same clothes as yesterday and my dad just brought me lunch. There is sourgrass everywhere but no baby to give it to.

I totally screwed up my med change. Here’s what I did and what you should do instead.

1. It’s A Big Deal! I didn’t think it would be a big deal replacing one antipsychotic with another. I just thought they were in the same family. I did give my family a heads up and what to look for for signs of mania. Please know what I do now: medication changes are difficult and need to be planned.

2. Tell Your Friends And Family All The Things To Look For. I told them hey, look for mania, but I didn’t mention other things that could (and did) happen — personality changes, depression, crying spells, confusion, loss of attachment to people and things.

3. Ask Your Doctor What Are Dangerous Symptoms And What Can Be Expected. When I started wanting to buy more things than usual I suspected mania, but as the days went on I realized I had no clue what was normal and what was not. Guessssss whaaaat. I still don’t. That brings us to —

4. Make A Two Week Appointment, Not An Entire Month. I have to wait until Wednesday to finally find out what symptoms I should just handle and which symptoms are a warning sign that this drug is not for me. This is because I thought a month away from my doctor would be fine. I ended up calling him (crying) three times during business hours and twice when he was in the mountains with his family. He doesn’t love that. Finally there was a cancellation but Wednesday seems so far away! You should definitely imagine the worst happening because you really might need to see him and have to wait.

5. Plan Childcare. I am responsible for my baby every day. When everything hit the fan I found myself unattached to my daughter, staring at the filthy house while crying. I said we needed to call my mother-in-law on the east coast. She bought a ticket an hour later. I’m beyond grateful, but I should have had some child care arranged so I could rest or use that time to clean. Instead I was doing everything as if I were totally normal, when I was realllly not okay. I didn’t think of what would happen if I became unable to do my jobs so I didn’t have any friends or babysitters lined up.

6. Plan Your Meals. Incapable of juggling my mind, the house, my baby, my work — there was no way I could have any meal plans. Planning wasn’t (isn’t) an option. I should have had my husband help me with this seemingly easy task and perhaps used a service that delivers groceries to your home.

7. Keep A Journal Of Mood/Food/Sleep. I know better than this one. I should have kept a writen record. The last time I spoke with my doctor he was in the mountains at a restaurant trying to find a place to talk. I imagined him in a broom closet as I tried to recall what order my symptoms appeared. The forgetfulness actually brought me to tears and it would have been such an easier moment if I could just read the symptoms without so much feeeeeling involved.

Since im in the middle of this mishegas I will have more mistakes to tell you about but here is one mistake I didn’t make.

The greatest thing I did other than ask for help was be totally honest with everyone. If I didn’t have a baby I probably could have faked it another week, but being a bipolar mother (or a parent in general) means I have to be honest about how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. If isolating myself for a bit to get some rest an hour away from her while she is in good hands, then rest is what I’ll do. I asked friends and family if this made me a bad mother. They all said no, they all said I needed to take care of her by taking care of me.

Cheers from the middle.

♥️

Rae

Gorgeous selfie entitled: No Filter

Bowl Of Peanutbutter On Printer

Dog Asleep On Baby’s Toys

I Sew, Correct? Trying To Rest

How Did This Even Happen?

 Call Hoarders

I Did Make These So Not A Total Loss

The grandmas brought Elro home from a walk. She was so cuuuute. I miss being totally present for her but I’m hoping with time I’ll adjust to the meds and get back to my life. ♥️, Rae

I want to write from the middle. I usually live the experience and then write about it, but this is too important.

Right now my mother is staying with me and my mother-in-law is flying here from Florida with a plane ticket she bought yesterday. My dad and my brother and my brother’s girlfriend are checking in on me.

I can’t: cook, clean, make things, be a fun mom. I need a ton of sleep and my eyes are blurry. I find myself sitting on the floor a lot from being dizzy or out of breath. My psychiatrist said that I’m going to feel this way after such a big med change — but I’m scared this is permanent. Every time I’m in a “this too shall pass” phase I think ohhhhh noooo this is permanent and going to get so much worse.

The reality is that I’m going to have more help so I can get more rest and my doctor will not let me be on something that permanently makes me feel this way. It was a med change, it can be changed again if necessary! The truth, no matter what I’m thinking, is that all of this is good. It means I’m a step closer to being on the right dosage of the right med.

So, this is is the middle — but it’s part of a successful journey even though it feels a bit wretched at the moment.

♥️

Rae